I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize