My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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