well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
what day is it and did you see me today?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
