hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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