I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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