God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
