therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
