Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
