would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
