just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i dont even know how to be here
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
