After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
