my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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