I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
