They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
