VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
