Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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