I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
its not stalking. its research.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
