I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
don't judge my taste in strippers
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
