you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
