moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
