I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize