I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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