there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
