I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
