I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
