She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
