So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
