I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
