Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
