3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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