is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
