She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
