She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
