My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
