I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
