I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I think I died a long time ago.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
