dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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