Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
