you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
