in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
This couple is walking their pig around campus
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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