dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
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