I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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