I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
