Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
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