But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
