Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
