Whatcha textin bout Willis?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
