i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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