I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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