who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
