Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
