Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
