threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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