I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
